


shh, potter

by oceanside_picnic



Category: The Goldfinch (2019), The Goldfinch - Donna Tartt
Genre: Based on the "Shh Potter” scene from the book and movie, Canon Compliant, Drug Use, Explicit Language, First Kiss, Las Vegas Era, M/M, POV Third Person, Sharing a Bed, Sleeping Together, They really put that scene in the movie huh, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2019-09-16
Packaged: 2020-10-19 14:33:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20658812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oceanside_picnic/pseuds/oceanside_picnic
Summary: Theo has nightmares.Thanks to Boris he doesn't have to deal with them alone.(Traumatized boys turn to each other for comfort)





	shh, potter

**Author's Note:**

> After seeing the movie, I had to write this scene.  
Based on the book and movie so it's a little weird and I'm not too sure on the timeline but enjoy!

Ever since the explosion, Theo had nightmares.

Sometimes the dreams were of his mom; of running through the museum, trying to get to her before the bomb went off, but it was always too late, and he would wake up in a cold sweat, the sound of the explosion still ringing in his ears. 

Sometimes he’d dream of Welty; of trying to help the man, to get him water, to find Pippa. Those dreams varied. Sometimes Theo would be looking for some water, but once he found it, he was not able to find Welty again. He would spend what felt like hours looking for the man but all he found was death. Sometimes he would be looking for Pippa, and he would come across a girl with red hair, dead in the rubble. 

Theo dreamt of his painting; of taking it out of the dust, only to find it destroyed, ripped and burnt. He would dream of it being discovered by Mrs Barbour, his dad, the police. Once he dreamt of a cold, dark cell, the feeling of isolation still creeping down his neck when he woke. 

The worst were the dreams that were not dreams but memories. The feeling of dust in his lungs, of not being able to breathe, drowning. The claustrophobia of being crushed by debris. He could taste the ash, hear the silence the second before his world turned upside down. Too vivid yet vague and hazy, he would relive the day over and over in his dreams, trying to find the key to changing it. Theo looked for something he missed the first time, some type of sign pointing to the path that ended with him and his mother safe at home. Waking up from these dreams was the worst, because, even if he knew how it ended, he got to pretend for a little bit that his mother was still alive. 

~~~

“You look like shit, Potter. What happened?” Boris flung himself onto the bench next to Theo. The bus started moving, making a sharp turn and Theo felt Boris lean into him. 

“Didn’t sleep.” Theo felt irritable and moody, closing his eyes and resting his head against the window. A sharp laugh cracked out of Boris. 

“What?! Are you getting some? Tell me, is it that pretty one with the tits from your English class? Oh she is so hot. Congratulations-” Theo jerked his head around to glare at Boris. 

“Can you shut up? I wasn’t with a girl. I just couldn’t fall asleep. Now can you let me rest for a bit?” Without waiting for him to reply, Theo put his head back. He could still hear giggles coming from Boris as he started to drift off. 

~~~

_ His mom. He had to get to his mom. If he didn’t get there in time the museum would explode. Running, running, running. Dust in his lungs, breath in, breath out. Red! Red hair! Pippa! But he was looking for his mom? He had to choose: Pippa or his mom? He could hear the bomb ticking. He had to choose! Choose or they would all die. Tick, tick, tick, tick. He took too long to choose. It was too late.  _

~~~

Theo woke with a start, frantically twitching, trying to get his bearings. He looked out the window then at Boris sitting next to him. Bus, he was on the bus on the way to school. He was safe. 

“Woah, you look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Boris laughed until he felt the smack land on his face. 

“What the fuck, Potter. What in the hell was that for?” Rubbing his face, he looked at Theo incredulously. 

“Can you just shut the fuck up, okay?” The rest of the bus ride passed in tense silence. 

~~~

After school, with the incident on the bus long forgotten, Boris went over to Theo’s house. They planned on watching daytime television high to see if it would be any better that way. However, when they got there, Theo couldn’t find the pills that Xandra usually kept in the kitchen cabinet. 

“Shit, she must have found out we were taking them.” Theo slammed the cupboard door shut. Boris, on the other hand, didn’t seem too upset. 

“Whatever, it’s no big deal.”

“Well what are we supposed to do now?”

“We could watch tv anyways? I mean, it would have probably been bad even with the drugs.” 

And so that’s how they found themselves, forty minutes later, laying together on the couch with Popper laying across their combined thighs. 

There was some game show on where people tried to win money by doing the most outrageous things, but Theo hadn’t been paying any attention for the last half hour. He was too busy trying to stay awake. The nights without sleep were taking their toll on him and every second he felt closer to drifting off. Boris was also absentmindedly rubbing his thumb against Theo’s arm, lulling him into a sense of comfort. 

“Boris?” Theo looked up at him from where he was resting on his shoulder. 

“Hm?” Boris didn’t look away from the television, seemingly transfixed on a commercial for diapers.

“Do you mind if I have a little nap? Sorry, I know you came over to hang out but-”

“Shh, don’t worry. You need to get your rest so you can go see your girl again tonight.”

“Douche.” But Theo was already closing his eyes, the rhythmic movement of Boris’ thumb pulling him into sleep. 

~~~

For the first time since the accident, Theo didn’t have a nightmare. 

~~~

Theo woke up feeling happy and well rested. Not yet opening his eyes, Theo took a minute to appreciate a body that didn’t feel moments from passing out. He was still nestled in Boris’ shoulder and Boris was still rubbing his thumb against Theo’s bicep, but sometime during Theo’s nap, Boris brought his other hand to his hair and was running his fingers through it. Above him, he heard Boris softly humming a song he didn’t recognize. The most content he’d ever felt, Theo never wanted this to end. He wanted to live in this moment for the rest of time. 

Suddenly, Theo heard the front door bang open. 

“Shit!” Theo jerked off the couch, out of Boris’ embrace, onto the floor. It didn’t matter that they were just friends and he was having a nap. Theo knew what his dad would think if he saw they laying together and did not want to know what he would do. His relationship with his dad had been a lot better since coming to Las Vegas than it had been his entire childhood in New York, but it was still balanced precariously on watching football together and brief conversations about what girls he liked at school. Besides, he didn’t want his dad thinking something that wasn’t true. Him and Boris were just close friends, nothing more than that. 

_ How gross would that be?  _ Theo thought to himself.  _ Me and Boris? Kissing or some shit. Makes me want to throw up in my mouth.  _ Satisfied with his train of thought, he glanced over his shoulder and saw his dad, rushing upstairs. Theo and Boris looked at each other, something strange in Boris’ stare, but they both started laughing and the awkwardness was gone. 

Larry came back downstairs, changed into a much nicer shirt and looked over at the two boys. 

“Hi Boris. Theo, I’m going out with Xandra tonight. There’s some sausage in the freezer. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Then rushed out the front door as quickly as he had come in. 

“Nice to see you, Mr Decker!” Boris called after him, but he was already long gone. 

~~~

The boys managed to find some beer in the fridge and snagged some cigarettes out of the pocket of one of Xandra’s coats. They spent the rest of the night laying hip to hip outside, their feet dangling over the edge of the pool. They talked about everything and nothing as they looked up at the hazy, pollution filled sky. 

“If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?” Boris asked Theo. 

“I’m not sure. I’ve never been outside of America. How ‘bout you?”

“Right here. As much as life here sucks sometimes, I’d rather be here than anywhere else in the world.” Boris said. Reaching over to Theo, he plucked the cigarette out of his hand. 

“Why? I thought you hate the sun?” He said, as Boris took a drag.

“Yes, but at least here I have a friend.” He rolled over to look Theo in the eyes, then let out a cloud of smoke into his face. 

“Bastard. Don’t do that.” Coughing, Theo punched Boris in the shoulder but he was too drunk to put any force behind it. The boys fell into a comfortable silence, just looking up at the stars. 

After a while, Boris got bored. 

“I’m tired,” Boris whined. “Let’s go to sleep.”

They drunkenly stumbled their way into the house to Theo’s room. Stripping down to their underwear, they threw themselves into bed. They curled into each other, twin parentheses. Theo’s last thought before he drifted into unconsciousness was that he hoped he slept as well as he has with Boris earlier. 

~~~

_ Mom? She was walking away from him. She couldn’t do that, she had to stay here. Mom?! He had to grab her, make her stay. Mom don’t leave! Mom! Always just out of his grasp, a fraction out of reach. He was just about to grab the sleeve of her coat when- _

~~~

Theo jolted awake with a sharp gasp. Panting, he felt tears streaming down his face. He was just getting ready for another sleepless night when he heard Boris. 

“Shh, it’s just me Potter.” Bony arms encircled him, tugging him close to Boris’ chest. His voice was hushed and soothing. “Shh, Potter, shh. Sleep, sleep Potter, shh” He continued shushing him until his breathing started to even out.

Wrapped up tight in Boris’ warm embrace, Theo fell back into darkness. 

~~~

The bright desert sun streamed in through Theo’s bedroom window, casting a spotlight on the two boys snuggled up together. At sometime during the night, Theo ended up with Boris’ arm draped over his waist. Boris’ head was tucked into the crook between Theo’s jaw and shoulder. It was hard to tell where one boy ended and the other began. 

Theo slowly crossed the threshold into consciousness, trying to stretch without waking Boris. 

“Hmm.” Boris gave a sleepy groan. Theo reached over, poking him in the cheek. 

“Boris,” He whispered. “You awake?”

“Huh?” He replied, not opening his eyes. The boys stayed in bed, drifting in and out, until Theo realized they were going to be late for school.

Theo shook Boris awake and they both rushed through getting ready, running to catch the bus.

~~~

It had become a habit, after that day, for the boys to curl up together and sleep, finding solace in each other's embrace. 

Shortly after the first time, Theo came to a realization: Boris had nightmares, too.

~~~

Theo would be woken up from a deep sleep to shouts and cries coming from Boris. Strangled sounding Polish muttering and gasping breaths. Theo would pull Boris into his arms, whispering calming words.

“Shh, Boris. It’s okay, it’s okay. You’re safe. It’s okay.” 

They were both ridden with trauma, but together they would help each other get through it. 

~~~

It was a Saturday and Boris was, unsurprisingly, at Theo’s. They were in Theo’s room with the pretense of working on homework, but before they went upstairs they nicked some vodka from the kitchen.

Sitting criss-cross on the bed, knees knocking together, they couldn’t stop giggling. Boris was trying to tell Theo a story about some girl he knew from when he lived in Russia, but Theo would interrupt with laughter every other word, causing Boris to dissolve into giggles as well. 

“She was- Was always- Always showing me- Showing me where- To find- The best- Drugs! Shut up! That reminded me,” He reached into his pocket, pulling out a little plastic baggie with four white pills. 

“Like the stuff Xandra has.” Not bothering to crush them up, they each swallowed one, followed by a swig of vodka. 

When the pills hit, the boys laid down, side by side, heads swimming, bodies feeling numb. Out of nowhere, Boris started singing a song in Polish. 

“ _ Pod pierzyną czarnej nocy _

_ W blasku srebrnych gwiazd _

_ Gwiżdże swoje kołysanki _

_ Rozśpiewany wiatr. _

_ Księżyc wplata w warkoczyki _

_ Kolorowe sny _

_ Śpij laleczko moja mała _

_ Śpij córeczko, śpij. _ ”

“English, you fucker.”

“Can’t remember what it means in English. Something like ‘sleep, sleep.’ Is a lullaby.” Boris continued signing, no matter how many times Theo punched and shoved him. 

Eventually Boris got tired of singing, instead electing to curl into Theo’s side like a cat.

“Tired. Let’s go to sleep.” Without waiting for Theo’s reply, he reached over him to shut off the light. Popper, who had previously been sitting on the floor, upon realizing it was bedtime, jumped up onto the bed and settled on top of their intertwined legs. 

“Goodnight Potter.” 

“Goodnight Boris.”

~~~

_ Welty needed him to find Pippa. He had to find Pippa. Red hair, red hair? He scanned his eyes across the demolished room, eyes peeled. He spotted movement in the corner. Pippa? But this person had black hair.  _

_ “Potter?” What was Boris doing here? He was looking for Pippa. He had to find Pippa. He had to help Boris. _

_ “Potter?” He rushed over to him. Boris was bleeding, he was dying. He tried to help him but it was too late. _

~~~

“Potter?” Boris’ voice was wrecked with tears. Theo’s eyes flew open, trying to figure out what was wrong. Boris was alive and unhurt, but silently crying.

“Wha- What’s wrong?” Theo mumbled drozily.

“Just a nightmare. Woke up and saw you thrashing around. Nightmare too?” Theo didn’t notice it before, but he was crying as well, tears tracking a path down his face, dripping onto his bare collarbones.

“Yeah, yeah. Nightmare.”

“Hmm.” Boris pulled the covers back over them and rested his head on Theo’s chest. After a few moments of silence, he started singing softly.

“ _ W płatkach herbacianej róży _

_ Calineczka śpi _

_ Nawet przemęczony świerszczyk _

_ Zasnął w trakcie gry. _

_ Wszystkie małe grzeczne dzieci _

_ Już od dawna śpią _

_ Dobra wróżka opowiada _

_ Bajkę którą śnią. _

_ Księżyc wplata w warkoczyki _

_ Kolorowe sny _

_ Śpij laleczko moja mała _

_ Śpij córeczko, śpij. _ ”

Theo fell back asleep, Boris’ voice swimming in his head.

~~~

They woke up clutching each other, castaways hanging onto their lifeline. Neither mentioned what had happened during the night, going about their morning as if nothing had happened. The rest of the day passed by normally too, watching movies, smoking, drinking, but when Boris told Theo he had to go home that night, Theo felt his heart drop.

~~~

The following weekend, Boris announced that his dad wouldn’t be home for the next couple of days.

“You could stay over at my house all weekend. My dad has lots of booze and he won’t notice if it goes missing.”

When Theo saw his dad at home, he let him know he was leaving.

“I’m gonna stay at Boris’ house this weekend, okay?” His dad didn’t even glance at him, attention solely on the game on tv.

“Hm? Yeah, sure, sounds good.” Figuring that was all Theo was going to get out of his dad, he went to his room to pack a bag, checking on the painting hidden behind his bed, then quickly scurried out of the house.

~~~

Even though Larry and Xandra were rarely in this house, when Theo was at home he still had to be cautious, never knowing when one of them could walk in. Boris’ house, on the other hand, was guaranteed to be empty until at least Monday, according to Boris,

“We should have a party,” Boris said, excitedly.

“With what friends?” Boris’ smile dropped.

“Fair,” He made an expression like he was puzzling something out. “Well, what should we do then?” Theo shrugged. 

“We could watch a movie? Or get drunk?” 

“We do that anyways. I want to do something crazy while we have the house to ourselves!”

Despite Boris’ insistence that they do something wild, they just ended up watching a movie. There was nothing fun to do in this town besides drink and do drugs, but they had been there and done that. They still had fun, watching bad television movies, passing cigarettes and vodka back and forth, while Boris tried to do the lines in an American accent. 

“Don’t leave me, baby!” Boris’ “American” accent sounded like a Texan on their deathbed, croaking out their last words. “I love you!” Theo watched on, amused, as he tried to act out the scenes too, but he was so drunk, he swayed with every movement. After a particularly dramatic line, accompanied by an equally dramatic action, Boris fell onto Theo, knocking the wind out of him.

“Get off me, shit head.”   
  


“I would, but I don’t remember how to stand.” Theo tried shoving Boris off him, but he stayed put. “I think you might have to carry me.”

“Fuck off.” 

“Serious!” Boris insisted. “Carry me to bed.” Theo protested but eventually gave in, half carrying, half dragging Boris’ gangly form upstairs to his room. They both collapsed onto his mattress, rolling around to get comfortable. The last thing Theo could remember before falling asleep was Boris wrapping his arms around him and a mumbled “g’night”. 

~~~

_ He couldn’t breathe. Concrete pressing down on his chest, lungs tightening. Breathe in, breathe in, breathe in, breathe in. Why couldn’t he get oxygen? The air around him was becoming thick with dust and ash. Breathe in, breathe in, breathe… _

~~~

Theo woke to Boris practically smothering him. His body weight was pressing down on Theo’s chest, dark hair almost in his mouth. Theo tried to blow it out with no avail.

“Boris,” He croaked out. “Boris, you’re crushing me. I can’t breathe!” He shoved Boris off him, then heard whimpers. Boris was still sleeping, but tears flowed from his eyes that were screwed shut. 

“Boris, wake up!” He said, shaking him. “You’re just dreaming!” Boris’ eyes snapped open, looking crazed. He looked up at Theo, vision glazed with tears. Boris made a quick movement and, before Theo knew what was happening, was kissing him.

It was clumsy and desperate, Boris clutching so hard at Theo’s arms he knew there would be little crescents dug in there after he let go. Theo brought his hands up to Boris’ hair, caressing the thick curls. All their worries, fears, anxieties melted away, only able to focus on this soul-shattering kiss. 

Boris pulled away for a moment, looking into Theo’s eyes with a crazed stare, then diving right back into the kiss. They kissed until Theo couldn’t breathe, drowning in the best way. Theo tried pulling away, but Boris followed, not letting their mouths part. After nipping at his lower lip, Boris got the hint, slowly leaning back, panting. 

“Sorry,” Boris said immediately, sounding panicked. “Do not know what I was thinking-” Theo cut him off, smushing their lips together again.

“S’okay Boris. It’s okay.” He whispered, once they broke apart. They shared a heavy look conveying everything they couldn’t put into words: the love, the pain, the fear, the desperation. Boris broke first, looking down at Theo’s lips.

“Go back to sleep,” Theo murmured, pulling him close to his chest. “I’ve got you.” Boris hesitantly relaxed against Theo, letting the tension melt out of his body when he felt Theo run his fingers through his hair.

“Goodnight,” Boris mumbled into his chest.

“Goodnight,” Theo replied, pressing a kiss onto the crown of his head.

~~~

They both slept easy the rest of the night.

**Author's Note:**

> The Polish lullaby came from [here](https://www.mamalisa.com/blog/can-anyone-help-with-a-polish-lullaby-that-translates-as-sleep-my-baby-doll/)  
Here is a loose translation:  
"Under the blanket of dark night  
In the glimmer of silver stars  
It is whistling its lullabies…  
The Moon is braiding in plaits  
Colorful dreams  
Sleep my baby doll  
Sleep my baby, sleep.  
Between the tea rose leaves  
Thumbelina is sleeping  
Also some overtired little cricket  
Fell asleep while playing.  
All the good little children  
Are sleeping for so long  
The good fairy is telling that story  
They are dreaming of.  
The moon is braiding in plaits  
Colorful dreams  
Sleep my baby doll  
Sleep my baby, sleep.
> 
> This work would not have been possible without [these](https://pvlikvsky.tumblr.com/post/187693614016/look-at-these-homos) [posts.](https://kaldwinemily.tumblr.com/post/187695263141/the-funny-thing-id-worried-if-anything-that)
> 
> Leave kudos if you enjoyed it and let me know in the comments what you liked or hated, and what I could do better next time.  
xoxo oceanside


End file.
